Sexy Slutty Yaoi Crack
by BlackBloodInsane
Summary: WHEN AN ITALY IS SICK, GERMANY IS PISSED AND AN AUTHOR GIVES UP HOPE. NOW WITH SEX!
1. WHY THE FUCK DID I DO THIS?

**Chapter One: The Fuck did I do this for?**

**By BlackBloodInsane**

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**Today was one of those 'FUCK IT! I'm FUCKING my boyfriend!' days for Germany. But sadly, Italy was ill. Germany **_**tried**_** to make him go with some motivational encouragement but...**

**"BIATCH! VAKE UP AND GET THE FUCK READY!" **

**But poor Italy couldn't even stand. Probably frombeing fucked in the fucking ass all fucking yesterday, right Germany? Hmm well anyway, Germany went to the World Fuckin- I mean Meeting. As usual, France was rapeing England.**

**"Get OFF ME NOOOOW!" Screamed the brit.**

**"Hohoho, but you like, mon ami?" Wow, FRANCE a RAPIEST? Hee, never saw THAT coming did ya?**

**At this point, the author of this crack ass story triesto quit, but America BIATCH SLAPS her before she can.**

**"BIATCH! YOU HAVE GOT TO FINNISH (LOL) THIS, YO!" He yells. The author shakes her head "I write song fics about South Park, I CAN'T DO THIS, MAN!" She panicks.**

**Then, France climaxed and Enland ran to America "HELPS, HELPS! America save your Uke!"He says climging to the other country-REALLY? I fucking hate my LIFE!**

**Later on during the meeting, everyone was humping, blowing or both!**

**"Ahh~ Russia Aru~!" "Haha, China, da~!"**

**"America! Why don't you do that to me?!" "Iggy, I'MMA HUMPING MAH CHEESE BURGAH!"**

**"Finland..." "Yeah, Sweden?" "On the floor now..." "T_T"...**

**Germany was royally pissed, so pissed hegrabbed Romano and THROW THAT BITCH LIKE A BOSS AT THE WALL. Spain went after Romano, and (of course) they fucked like BIATCH"S in heat. Which made the German country pissed even more.**

**Again, the author has the feeling she's going to Hell. Wait...wasn't she already going to Hell? Hmm, THEN FUCK IT LETS KEEP GOING! :D**

**Germany ran home to his little Italy, ripped his pants off and...(sigh) of course they fucked! WHY MUST I EXPLAIN WHAT HAPPENED?!**

**"Just write what they sounded like" AMerica said while dry humping England... (Yes, Iggy and America dry hump in my room, U haz Problum?)**

**"Ahh! Germany!" "Ngh Haaaah so hot...ngh!"**

**"AH!There RIGHT THERE!" "VERDAMMIT!"**

**"H-hareder!" "Mein Gott!"-**

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**FUCK THIS MOFO SHIT...I CAN"T DO THIS! T-T... If I get at least 2 reviews, I will do another chapter...T-T ****please?**

**BlackBloodInsane~ CIAO BIATCH"S XD**


	2. GERMANY FUCKS AN ITALY-NEKO-DOGGY-THINGY

Chapter 2: Germany Fucks a Italy-Neko-Doggy-Thingy...yea

**By BlackBloodInsane**

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**A/N:A BIG THANK YOU TO gamergirlexp WHO GAVE ME THE INSPIRATION TO FUCKIN MOVE ON WITH THIS SHIT! XD Luckily, I recived**_** 3 **_**REVIEWS! 3 IN ONE MOFO DAY! HELL YEAHS! And to ITALYLOVER21...um love, what you read was me just fucking around for shits and giggiles...**

***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**

**OKAY! So we left of when Italy and Germany were fucking:**

_**"Ahh! Germany!" "Ngh Haaaah so hot...ngh!"**_

_**"AH!There RIGHT THERE!" "VERDAMMIT!"**_

_**"H-hareder!" "Mein Gott!"-**_

**NOW:**

**After &,478,690,465,903 rounds of HARDCORE GERMAN SPARKLE PARTY SEX, Italy was worn out . He wanted to see his good old friend, JAPANY-DESU :D!**

**Of course Japan was getting BIATCH FUCKED in the ass by Greece-san. Italy (of course) ran into their house, He saw a machine, a...dare I say it! A MAGAICALFRAGALISTIC machine. It said grab:**

_**GRAB SOME SHIT, THROW IT IN HERE AND BECOME ONE WITH THEM ALL! ~ :D**_

_**ThisisnotpropertyofRussiaand ifit'sChina, ,lethimtyeyouupandfuckyourlit tleass-**_

**By this time Italy stopped wondering, he rabed a KITTY (damn pussy) and a DOGGY.**

**...**

**We briefly stopped this SHIT before you could recieve SEROUS BRAIN DAMAGE so fore the mean time, HERE'S AMERICA AND ENGLAND (Having Sex :O) :**

_**"Hah, England, so tight and warm..." Gasped America, he reached down to touch Englands (MEOW XO) lightly stroking it. He pushed in and out of his (MEOW XO) at a extremely fast pace.**_

_**"AH! America!~ Hit there again!" Cried the smaller nation. America had a smirk plastered on his remarkable features "You like it when I (MEAOW XD) you in the (MEOWXD), you are such a little (MEAOW)." America said, going faster in and out of his mentor's (MEOW XD)**_

**"WHOA WHOA WHOA!" Cried the author "THIS IS A GERITA FIC! I can't write this, even if it's hot!" America sighed, "Fine, BUT WE GET TO FUCK IN YOU CLOSET TONIGHT!" He said while wagging a finger. England blushed "R-r-really America...you want to fuck me:,)" AMerica nodded and grabbed a cheese BUGAH! "We Could have a THREESOME (YESSHHH) With LADY CHEESEBUGAH! (nooooooo~ T-T)**

**The author looks at all of you (YES! YOU THERE! YOU THE ONE READING THIS SHITY ASS MOFO!) "Sorry for this, let'sjust see Italy-Neko-Doggy-Thingy have sexy tymes XD! But since I was able to get 3 REVIEWS IN ONE DAY! I WANT TWO MORE! Then I'll write A HUUUUUGE BIG SEXY TYME FOR GERITA!" The author excliamed as she ran out of sight, yelling,**

**"HAPPY FANFIC TO ALLLLLL~" And to all Countries a good Fuck.**

***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**

**REVIEWS ARE NICE,, just sayin...**

**FLAMES WILL BE USED TO KILL JEFF THE KILLER (Who may appear in this fic soon.)**

**CIAO BIATCHS~ BlackBloodInsane~**


	3. CANADA IS A SPORT!

**CHAPTER 3: CANADA IS A SPORT :D**

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**A/N NO, This is not GERITA SEXY TYMES! But I thought I'd do a little "IF THEY WERE IN A CHATROOM" Thingy-ma-jingy ENJOY!~**

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_**IRAWESOME, GERMANLY(no joke), PASTA PASTA!,InothatuwannabCandianPlz,And HERO have sighed in...**_

_**Hero: Yo GERMANY, DOGG WUT UP AND DOWN YO!?**_

_**Germanly:Uh... is that you America?**_

_**IRAWESOME:I THINK IT IS, BRUDER! How unAWESOME...**_

_**PASTA PASTA!: Gemany, did you write you name wrong?**_

_**HERO: NAH BRO, HE THIS IT WILL MAKE HIM MORE ATRACTIVE TO THE LADIES...yo**_

_**InothatuwannabCandianPlz: He's right Italy...**_

_**PASTA PASTA!: ? Who are you?**_

_**IRAWESOME: HE"S CANADA**_

_**HERO:IS THAT A CAKE?**_

_**GERMANLY:Is it a bomb?**_

_**PASTA PASTA!: IS IT A PASTA!?**_

_**IRAWESOME:...Serously? YOU ALLL ARE UN AWESOME!**_

_**HERO: IS it a sport?**_

_**PASTA PASTA!: YEA! I THINK IT IS!**_

_**IRAWESOME:This is bullshitz, let's go Canada.**_

_**IRAWESOME & InothatuwannabCandianPlz have left the chat...**_

_**PASTA PASTA!: Hey, Germany?**_

_**Germanly:Ja, Italy?**_

_**PASTA PASTA!:Can we have sex?**_

_**Germanly: Sadly no, not until the author gets ATLEAST one Review.**_

_**PASTA PASTA!: Ahhhh...X'C**_

_**PASTA PASTA! & Germanly have left the chat**_

_**Sexy_Brit has joined the chat**_

_**Hero: Hey Britian? Wanna have cyber sex?**_

_**Sexy_Brit: Sure...**_

_***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**_

**PLEASE RRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEVVVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE WWWWWWWWWW FFFFFFFOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRR Sex...**

**CIAO KAWII BIATCHS~BlaclBloodInsane**


	4. ITALY HAZ NINE LIVES! BOOMHEADSHOT!

**CHAPTER 4: CUZ ITALY HAS NINE LIVES! BOOM HEADSHOT!**

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**A/N: The HELL is WRONG with YOU guys? You want MORE OF THIS? Fine, see if I care. I write NORMAL fics, too, but NOONE READS THAT DO THEY?! ANSWER ME DO THEY?! Let's just get on with the sex...motherfucker...**

***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**

**Germany saw his "BOY TOY" and was like WHOA...get on the fuckin' table...**

**Italy had fuckin' cat ears, tail and whiskers (WHY IS THAT ATTRACTIVE TO YOU SICK BASTARDS?!) He had cute puppy dog eyes, and was NAKED ON A TABLE!(YESSH) **

**Germany sucked Italys neck and showered itwith kissies and love and SEX and FUCK! Then he RIPPED off his pants, shirt and panties (CUZ GERMANY IS A PUSSY ASS BIATCH AND HE KNOWS IT!) and he SUCKED Italy OFF. (...yay...) and Italy was like...**

**"^_^~ ahh Germany ahh Germany..."**

**Then Holy Rome walked through the front doorand was like:**

**"T_T why Italy why?" Poor asshole...**

**But Germany wuz LiKe ":O THREESSSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOOOM MMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"**

**Because Germany likes sex...**

**And Italy was lyke: ":D DOUBLE PENATRATIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"**

**Oh GOD why did I do this...XD...le sigh...**

**Some uh, lyke Germany and Italy fucked Germany (YEA THAT"S RIGHT BIACTH"S GERMANY BOTTOMS!)**

**AND FRANCE CAME AND FUCKED THEM ALL...**

**I need to end every thing like that. Hmm...**

**So, then later Germany and Italy were fucking, and were using WHIPS, CUFFS, CHAINS, VIBRATERS! AND SEXY ASS STUFF! And then Italy-Neko-Doggy Died... yea sad I know...**

**BUT IF YOU READ THE FUCKIN TITLE IT SAY'S**

**"ITALY HAS NINE LIVES!BOOM HEADSHOT~!"**

**So Italy lived, and...**

**America was slamming into Britan and was about to climax then-**

**"BOOM HEADSHOT" France said as he cameon Britans face!**

**THERE YOU FRUK LOVERS! NOWGOFUCK YOURSELF AND LEAVE ME ALONE SO I CAN WRITE USUK!**

**AND FRANCE CAME AND FUCKED THEM ALL...**

***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**

**Don't think this shits over. I'M ONLY GETTING STARTED~! Now For the next few days I might not get to write a new chapter, so tell me if you want GERITA M-PREG, USUK M-PREG OR/AND SPAMANO M-PREG!? AND I WANTS TWO MOREREVIEWS OR MMMMOOOOOOORRRRREEEE!**

**AND THEN FRANCE CAME AND FUCKED THEM ALL**

**Ciao Biaych's~BlackBloodInsane**


	5. TRAILER: ARMY BIATCHS

**CHAPTER 5: TRAILER 4 "ARMY"**

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**A/N **

**I JUST GAVE YOU GUYS A CHAPTER! But I thought that before I take a break for a few days I'll leave this to you...**

***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**

***Insert Awesome Deep Meaning Uplifing Music Here***

_**In a few days...**_

**"SARGENT PEWDS! WHAT WILL WE DO?!" Cried Finland.**

**"I don't know, Tino, but I DO know one thing..."**

_**A WAR WILL BEGIN...**_

**"Ahh! Doitsu I'm SCARED!" Italy cried "Bitch shut the fuck up."**

_**And When It Comes...**_

**"Britain this is creepin' me out YO!1" **

_**...So Will France...**_

**"Pewdiepie, we're under attack!" Cried Sweden**

**"By WHO?" Pewds asked**

**"France's Semen!"**

**"Holy shi-" AND THE HOUSE IS Flouded WITH SEMEN!**

_**...This Spring...**_

**"RUN FOR YO LIVES"SSSSSS!" yelled a black guy in New York being chased by semen.**

_**...BlackBloodInsane Presents...**_

**"Uh...Hi" the author says**

_**...A Movie with Sappy Romance...**_

**"Germany! I don't want to die Alone!" Italy cries**

**"You vont have to, I'll be here for you..." Germany says as he kisses Italy.**

_**...Danger...**_

**"RUSSIA THROW THE BOMB AT THE INTRUDERS!"**

**"No,...WE WILL FIGHT IT WITH OUR BARE HANDS DAAAAAA!"**

_**...And **__**Excitment**__**...**_

**"OooooH La La, you like that, Britain?"**

_**...Then Watch the Crack-Buster of 2013...**_

**"Germany Imma Prego!" Italy says holding a positive pregnancy test.**

_**...ARMY**_

**"Prego like the Pizza Sause?..." Germany asked.**

**"Nope I'm Pregnant!~ Ve~" **

**Germany jumps out window.**

**"Ve~ You can jump out of as many windows as you like, but your still going to pay child support~!"**

_***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**_

**Shitty trailers are Shitty and if you don't know who Pewdipie is look him up on YT and laugh your fuckin ass off because I don't got SHIT on that guy**


	6. WAKAFLOCA THE PONY & ITALY CONDOMS!

**CHAPTER 6: Wakafloca The Ridiculous Pony/ Italy and Romano's CONDOMS**

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**A/N Well, THIS IS ALL FOR YOU DAMIEN(Omen LOL)- I mean fangirlz Because Uno: I have ALL DAY to write because it take 10 MIN at most to write this. And to be honest, this IS random crap, but I like you comment, SO LETS DO THIS BIATCH! (ps, My name is BlackBloodINSANE so i'm pretty crazy)**

***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**

**Poland walked into the World Fuckin- **__**I mean Meeting (DID THE SAME JOKE TWICE BIATCHS!) in heels and a skirt, that was it. Behind him was a pony.**

**"BIATCHS PLEASE STOP FUCKING SO I CAN MAKE AN ANNOUNCEMENT!" He yelled "THIS IS Wakafloca THE PONI-desu SO RESPECT HIM!" "Is his name from that Shakira song?" China asked "NO, STFU CHINA-DESU AND YES I SPEAK CHINESE MOTHERFUKA!"**

**"Actually, Poland, -desu is Japeniese." Japan said "BIATCH TALK TO THE HAND BEACAUSE THE WRIST IS PISSED!"**

**"Good one, Da!" Russia said. **

**Spain poked Romano "Hey, do you want to try one of your new condoms from Italy?" Romano blushed "W-WHUT WE DON"T HAVE ORWEAR CONDOMS!?" Germany overheard their conversation.**

**Realizatin in:**

**3**

**2**

**1**

**"ITALY SELLS CONDOMS?!"**

**"Not just any condoms, TROJIN CONDOMS!" Spain yelled.**

**"Wait, do any of us use condoms?" asked France**

**"We don't-aru." Said China "Nope" Said America**

**"Me and Greece don't..." Said Japan "Neither do we." Said Italy.**

**SOMEWHERE ELSE! :D**

**"...can we have sex now, Prussia?" "Yea birdie...let me get the condoms."**

**What is the purpose of this storyyou ask?**

**NO CONDOMS FOR GAYS! (unless u got aids)**

**What is the point for me writing this?**

**Not a damn thing**

**But you guys like so, BUTT FUCK IT :D**

***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**

**A/N fuck you guys, this isn't epicness, it's crap :)**


	7. Eric Cartman, yea

**CHAPTER 7: ERIC CARTMAN, That's it...**

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**A/N: Yea, just random thoughts...**

***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**

**SO...Germany was having a "AFTER SEX SMOKE" outside. He sighed and saw a shooting star (Sooooo gay) and closed his eyes and wished for a child for him and Italy to take care of...le sigh...**

**Then a STORK came down from the sky and SPLAT RIGHT ON THE MOTHER FUCKIN SIDE WALK! . now he has to clean it AGAIN! On the dead birds back was ERIC MOFO CARTMAN, a rasist Nazi asshole.**

**"Noooooooooooooo I didn't mean it! TAKE HIM AWAY!" cried Germany, but to no avail.**

**"YOU WILL RAISE ME AND LOVE ME!" Cartman demanded. But Italy came outside quick and said "Ooooh IT'S A LITTLE BOY FOR US GERMANY!" he said as he hugged the demand child "I'll love him and kiss him and raise him! We'll be parents!" He sqeeled.**

**Germany sighed and ran upstairs and tried to jump out the window again.**

**Eric snorted "YoU GUYS ARE GAY!? EWWWWW! WHY AM I BEING PUNISHED?!" Then the author ran onto the set "FUCK U BIATCH!" she yelled and throw him LIKE A BOSS soo far that he was back where he belonged, Hell.**

**Italy cried because he had no baby and then the author's heart grew 7 sizes BIGGER (SHE SHOULD HAVE DIED) and gave Italy a kitty "No way in hell would I give YOU a BABAEH, so here." AND SHE FLEW AWAY LIKE A BAWS!**

**AND THEN FRANCE CAME AND FUCKED THEM ALL(even Germany)**

***...*~ *...*~ *...~**

**A/N:Yup, REVIEW NOW, plz - Review whore**

**CIAO BIATCHS ~ BlackBloodInsane**


	8. Chatroom 2 FUCK u comunismitslalala FUCK

**CHAPTER 8: ChatRoom 2, SUCK IT COMMUNISTISSUS-lalala fuck it!**

**A/N:Nah, it's 12:13 a.m and i'm bored...**

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_**I*heart*kitty-kitties, Russiaizgod,inothatuwannabCanadianplz, IRAWESOME, Germanly, and PASTA PASTA! have entered the chat**_

_**IRAWESOME: Canada, let's get it on :)**_

_**Germanly: WTF X(**_

_**PASTA PASTA!: Hey, why do you have that weird name thingy again, Germany?**_

_**Russiaizgod: Da, comrade, change it...it scares me that you try to sound manly even thought u r GIGANTIC pussy :D...**_

_**IRAWESOME: CANADA! LET DO IT! XD**_

_**Germanly:Who are YOU calling a pussy you communistic asshole!**_

_**I*heart*kitty-kitties: AIYA! YOU SHUDA UPPA ABOUT RUSSIA ARU!**_

_**PASTA PASTA!:...Bitch you better back the fuck up...**_

_**I*heart*kitty-kitties: ? :C**_

_**IRAWESOME:I HOOOOOOORRRNNNNNEEEYYYYYY! CCCAAAAAANNNNAAAAAAADDDDDAAA AA!**_

_**Russiaizgod: ? The FRUK?**_

_**inothatuwannabCanadianplz:? Italy?**_

_**IRAWESOME: OH SO U TALK TO HIM BUT NOT 2 ME? UNAWESOME!**_

_**Germanly:Uhh...Italy? You okay?**_

_**PASTA PASTA!: Now, bitch, DO YOU KNOW UR PLACE NOW?! OR DO I GOTTA GO AND KICK YO ASIAN(sorry asians) ASS!?**_

_**I*heart*kitty-kitties:Bitach, go home to your GAY GERMAN BOYFRIEND and YOU BACK THE FUCK UP, BEFORE I BIATCH SLAP YO HO ASS! aru**_

_**PASTA PASTA!: OH HELL TO THE MOTHER FUCKIN' NO! VE~!**_

_**Russiaizgod: Uh..china lets go, da...**_

_**Germanly: Ja, Italy kets leave o.o**_

_**PASTA PASTA!: Okay Germany! ve I'll see you 5 O'clock, PROSTATUTA! .**_

_**Germanly & PASTA PASTA! have left the chat...**_

_**Russiaizgod:Whoa...huh...just...whoa...**_

_**Russiaizgod & I*heart*kitty-kitties left the chat...**_

_**IRAWESOME:Plz? **_

_**inothatuwannabCanadianplz: no...**_

_**IRAWESOME: T_T **_

**AND THEN FRANCE CAME AND FUCKED THE ALL!~ (neveah gets old...)**

**A/N:Ahhh! RUN AWAY! ITALY PWNED CHINA THE WOLDS GUNNA END! yea yea this is just fuck shit, so review if you want, I like em and...yea...SUCK IT KAWII WHORES AND PROSTITUTAS AND COMMUNTISTSS!~**

**Ciao BIATCHS~ BlackBloodInsane**


	9. YIPPY KI YAY MOTHER FUCKER!

**CHAPTER 9: YIPPY KI YAY MOTHER FUCKER! **

**A/N: It's been a few days, yup, I MIGHT do TWO chapters tonight (12:31 BIACHS) So enjoy this shit.**

***...*~ *...*~ *...*~  
**

**One night after HARDCORE sexy fun tymes with his lovely Italy, Germany heard a bump in the night...**

**HO YES! It twas BLACKBLOODINSANE, the AWESOME author of this shiz. She stalked into the room, with a perverted look in her eyes.**

**'**_**I shall FINALLY see the HARDCORE smex...hohhoh...'**_** But as she walked into the room, GERMANY grabbed a AK 47...like a baws...**

**"YIPPY KI YA MOTHER FUCKER!" He yelled as he pointed his gun (No, not a SEXUAL INUENDO it twas an AK 47...I'm pretty sure it was at least...)**

**But the author was MAGICAL and ran away from the house, but not with out giving the two lover's a curse:**

**"DUMBLEDORE SHAMALAMBLE DINGALINGALING MOFOS!"**

**Yes, thats a spell, no? You disagree? Go fuck yourself then...**

**The next day, Italy had a babeh, they named him David Bowie...**

**Until next tyme, I"M A CRAZY PERSON!**

***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**

**Yeah, bye...**

**CIAO BIATCHS~ BlackBloodInsane **

**Oh Wait... AND FRANCE CAME AND FUCKED THEm ALLL~~**

**Now you can leave happily...**


	10. U still watchin this? LEAVE NOAW!

**CHAPTER 10: YOUR STILL WATCHING THIS, LEAVE NOAW!**

**A/N: Please...just...leave...I can't even...no... just, just no.**

***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**

**One day a pretty princess name David Bowie wanted to marry Iggy, but 'Merica wasn't gonna take that shiz. So he called the one and only:**

**WILL SMITH!**

**And they kicked each others ass and America screwed his uke into a pill of newspapers (?) **

**Hey! HEY! WHO YOU CALLING GAY!? PSSST! YOU GAY! I"M NOT GAY! Your gay! NO! Your GAY! Your- NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY! **

**I'm not being gay, it's being **_**FABULOUS**_**!**

**~ THS WUZ A MESSAGE FROM AMERICA **

**GO FUCK OR GO HOME HATERS!**

**But yeah America and Iggy had a babeh named ANgelina Joe**

**HA! WRONG! It was brab pitt..**

***...*~ *...*~ *...*~**

**I LOVE how these are only five seconds long...LIKE YO MAMA! Now go away, YESHHH U!**

**AND IN ONE WEEK I ALMOST GOT 1,000 VIeWS!**

**Please read my other story Incantation, PLEASE!**

**Ahh, please review and give meh strength do keep going, or tell me to go fuck myself and get off of please...**

**I'm too tired to write AND THEN FRANCE CAME AND FUCKED THEM ALL...oh wait**

**CIAO BIACHS~ BlackBloodInsane...**


	11. Frace's dick

CHAPTER 11: AHHH! GODZILLA!

A/N Ah~ Back to my roots! For those of you who read my stories, you will notice I am working on my newest story: Escape the Dream! A GerIta story in the M rated section under in progress. Please read that story and review as well...

France: Some people don't like me "Fucking them all" But that's because you've NEVAH been fucked by me before!

BBI: U GO GURL!~

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

So, it was a random day for Japan. America was crying about food. England was dressing in stripper clothes, trying to sleep with China. China was dressed as a sunflower. Russia was "deflowering" China. France got his dick ripped off (But that's a story for another time.) Germany and Italy were fucking on the world meeting table (but that wasn't unusual) and There was chocolate EVERYWHERE!

So you could see why he was hiding in a closet. But then a fairy god motherfucker came and crashed through a window LIKE BAWS!

"O HOW I LOVE GAY COUNTRIES!~" She yelled, but Iggy-desu kicked her back out the winder.

France, I'm running out of Ideaers. Help me out.

France: Come here little children!~ Let me tell you a story!

Children: NO!

France: COME HERE YOU LITTLE FUCKERS!~

Children: Okay, fine. BUT WE WANT CANDEH!

France: Ohohohohoh I'll give you my pixie stick!~

Children: But pixie sticks are small!

France: Life sucks, get to know this.

So it all started when a crazy wanted to marry France. But France likes little boys. So he didn't marry her.

So one day the crazy lady dressed like a boy and ripped France's dick off. The End.

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

A/N: Come on, Francy pants!~

France: Fine. *Came and fucked you all.* Yeah, you like that don't you? Sluts!~

Ciao~ BlackBloodInsane


	12. SHUBADIBOBOBO BIATCHS!

Chapter 12: Shubadibobobo bitches!

A/N to BlackCat, it's called life, my dear. And I am on a shitload of it~

France: And crack, and cocaine, and ecstasy, and-

BBI: OKAY THEY GET IT! On with this bullshit!

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

_Hero, IRAWESOME, inothatuwannabcanadianplz, Sexybrit, Francy-pants~, Russiaizgod, and Hellokittyfanboy have joined the chat!_

_Hero: Yo, wazzup Sexy Brit?_

_Sexybrit: Don't talk tome you fucking arsehole!_

_Hero: Yea, talk to me dirty babe~_

_IRAWESOME: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!_

_Francy-pants: Man, I feel like a woman~_

_inothatuwannabcanadianplz: Hey Prussia?_

_IRAWESOME: Ja?_

_inothatuwannabcanadianplz: Why are you here? Your not an Allie _

_Hero: YEAH! GO AWAY YA LOZER!_

_Francy-pants: No, the Bad Touch Trio stays!_

_Sexybrit: But there's only two of you._

_IRAWESOME: Not for long..._

_iwantromano'stomato & urabastard have joined the chat!_

_iwantromano'stomato: Hola Francy-pants & Prussia!_

_Hero: Dude, LEAVE! U 2 Prussia!_

_IRAWESOME: NEIN!_

_iwantromano'stomato: Yea, we're staying._

_Urabastard: Well, I'm leaving because my 'Italy just had sex with potato bastard' senses are tingling._

_iwantromano'stomato: I can make something else tingly~_

_Urabastard: No._

_iwantromano'stomato: Awww...c'mon!_

_Urabastard & iwantromano'stomato have left the chat!_

_Sexybrit: Oi, America!_

_Hero: Yea?_

_Sexybrit: I'm horny lets have sex!_

_Hero: :D_

_Sexybrit & Hero have left the chat!_

_Russiaizgod: I have said nothing...SHUBADIBOBOBO BITCHES!_

_Hellokittyfanboy: Don't leave without me Russia aru!~_

_Russiaizgod & Hellokittyfanboy have left the chat!_

_IRAWESOME: AHHH! Germany just got hit over the head by Romano!_

_inothatuwannabcanadianplz: Is he okay?!_

_IRAWESOME: Romano! Don't come near me! I KNOW CHOPNESE! _

_IRAWESOME has left the chat!_

_inothatuwannabcanadianplz: Oh no! I got to help him!_

_Francy-pants: Wait! Canada! Stay here, and have cyber sex with me!~_

_inothatuwannabcanadianplz: You know what France?_

_Francy-pants: Wut?_

_inothatuwannabcanadianplz: YOUR STILL A DINGDONG!_

_inothatuwannabcanadianplz has left the chat!_

_Francy-pants: Okay, you can come out now._

_BlackBloodInsane has joined the chat!_

_BlackBloodInsane: Yay!~ Wanna do the outtro?_

_Francy-pants: Oui!_

_BlackBloodInsane: Go for it gurl!_

_Francy-pants: AND! THEN! FRANCY-PANTS! CAME! AND! FUCKED! EVERY! LAST! ONE! OF! THEM! AAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!~~~~~_

_BlackBloodInsane: *sniff* That...that was beautiful Francy-pants~_

_*...*~ *...*~ *...*~_

This story is getting popular fast! THIS IS AWESOME!


	13. BOOM SHAKALAKA

Chapter 13: BOOM SHAKALAKA!

A/N To Hetalian Miss: Marry me! MARRY ME AND NEVER LOOK BACK MI AMOUR!~

France: You are pathetic .

BBI: And your a pervert ^_^~

France: So true~

BBI: The truth is a bitch~

France: Shut up and start, no one reads these anyway.

BBI: FINE! Gosh!

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

One day, Prussia was having a sad day.

Children: What's wrong Mr. Prussia?

Prussia: Oh, Hallo random children on the stage.

Children: So what's wrong?

Prussia: Vell, I asked Canada to marry me.

Children: YAY!~

Prussia: But he said no.

Children: Aww :'C

Prussia: Life sucks children!

Children: We know.

Prussia: How?

Children: Well, we almost got raped by France. That and we're orphans.

Prussia: O.O...Oh...

Suddenly the author appears out of nowhere and smiles

BBI: Don't cry Prussia! Maybe you fellow nations can cheer you up!~

Prussia: Doubtful-

BBI: GREAT! How about if you bruder goes first?

Prussia: West? Sing? Oh dear sweet janova in heaven...

Germany steps to the stage (More like Italy pushing him to the stage) and grabs the microphone.

Germany: * sigh * I was blown away, what could I say? It all seemed to make sense. You've taken away everything, that I can't do without-

BBI: WHOA! NO! THIS WAS NOT FOR ITALY! For Prussia!~

Germany: For HIM? Oh hell no! * Leaves *

BBI: Mother-

Italy: Can I sing a song? Not for Prussia...

BBI: Fine, since no one gives a fuck.

Italy: VE~ YAY!~

Italy: Sometimes I get my head in a dilly. Feeling so lost, ticking you off. Now boy you know me well. Said I'm that kind of feeling That kind of soft. That kind of silly. But when I'm in doubt, I open my mouth And word come out Words come out like-

BABY THERE'S A SHARK IN THE WATER!~

THERE'S SOMETHING UNDERNEATH MY BED!~

OH PLEASE BELIEVE I SAID!

BABY THERE'S A SHARK IN THE WATER!~

I CAUGHT THEM BARKING AT THE MOON!~

BETTER BE SOON!~

BBI: O.O Whoa...

America: BOOM SHAKALAKA! BOOM SHAKALAKA BOOM!

BBI: WTF?!

IGGY: We stole your crack.

BBI: Is that why America is humping the coach?

Germany: VHAT?! I JUST BOUGHT THAT COACH!

BBI: Oops...

Germany: YEAH 'Oops' IS RIGHT!

SOMEWHERE ELSE~~~

France and BBI where having toast (Not french toast dumbass) and cake when all of a sudden, America walks in, and grabs France's newspaper.

France: HEY!

America: Hmm, I thought that would be big news.

BBI: You thought what would be big new?

America: What?! You mean you haven't hear? It was brought to my attention that everyone had heard.

France: Heard what?

BBI: FRANCE DON'T!

America: OH WELL A BIRD BIRD BIRD! BIRD IS THE WORD A WELL A BIRD BIRD BIRD BIRD IS TE WORD!

France: * Pulls out gun * Ready?

BBI: * Pulls out her gun * On three.

BACK TO BEFORE!~

America: What?

BBI: What America?

America: What were you going to do?

BBI: Do What?

America: IN THE LAST PANEL!

BBI: What panel?

America: You and France pulled out guns!-

BBI: Let me stop you there. One, I cannot legally own a gun anymore. And two, if in any situation where France and I had to use guns on you, you totally deserved it.

America: Oh.

BBI: Lets go Francy-pants!

France: Oui.

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

A/N …

France: Well?

BBI: Well what?

France: What about Prussia?

BBI: Oh, I forgot about that...

France: Yeah...

BBI: Well, I'll right that in the next chapter!~

France: When did I even start talking to you in the A/N s?

BBI: ? I don't remember...

France: So I'll probably talk to you until this is over?

BBI: Yup.

France: How long will this be anyway?

BBI: Uh...Well...

France: Until you run out of crack?

BBI: Yup!

France: Great, not only must I work for season 5, but now I work for you too?!

BBI: I guess so!

France: When will I be in your other Fanfiction 'Escape the dream?

BBI: Soon.

France: How soon?

BBI: Soon...maybe...ish...

France: Wonderful...

BBI: Don't pretend like you don't love this!~

France: I really, really hate you.

BBI: YAY!~ ^o^~

CIAO KAWWII BIATCHS!~ BlackBloodInsane!


	14. FRANCE'S STORY TIME COLLECTION (YAY!)

CHAPTER 14 FRANCE'S COLLECTION OF STORIES THAT NO ONE GIVES A SHIT ABOUT

A/N For Isa the Awesome, because you, love, are fucking amazing! But the problem with me giving birth to pewds would be that A: He is lyke, twenty something, and I'm lyke, 13. B: France would never marry me because he lykes little boys.

France: It's true~

BBI: But, you are still so fucking awesome, so I give you the award of being as insane as I!~

France: We don't need two crazy people in this story.

BBI: Oh yes we do~

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

France: Alright, children, gather around ze fire with me~

Children: Why, Uncle Francy-pants?

France: Because I will tell you three stories!

Children: Oh goody!

BBI: Well, they're MY stories, but you can tell them.

Children: Go Away!

BBI: FINE! * Jumps out window *

France: O.O ….right...

Children: Tell us the stories, Uncle Francy-pants!~

France: The first story is called "How Germany Killed America for Humping his Coach"

Children: YAY!~

France: It all started ten minutes ago...

France: One day, BBI left her stash of crack in her room. Iggy and America were looking in her room for her porn that she hides in her room.

BBI: I DO NOT!

France: Bitch Plz, I found your yaoi and yuri porn just yesterday!

BBI: …

France: That's what I thought, now let me finnish (LOL) the story!

France: Then, Iggy found BBI's stash under her bed. They then smoked it and got really, really, really high. America then went to Germany's house and repeatedly humped his new coach, thinking it was Iggy. Germany blames BBI for this because she left her stash out.

BBI: I did not, it was under my bed, in a safe, where no one, not even you, could know the combination of!

France: It's combination is your birthday, isn't it?

BBI: GOTT VERDAMMT!

Children: Tell us another story, Francy-pants!

France: This one is "How Germany Had Sex with Italy"

Children: HURRAY!~

BBI: YAY!~

France: * Gets phone call * Well, apparently I can't use that story.

BBI: Why?

France: Because the producer is an arsehole who won't let us use it.

BBI: MOTHER FUCKER!

France: Well, how about "When Germany got arrested for rape"...Apparently we can use that one.

Children & BBI: YAY!

France: Once, Germany stole BBI's stash, and then found her porn, then went to go rape Italy, then he raped Italy, Germany went to prison, and Germany became the bitch in jail because he wears panties.

BBI: Why? Why do they all steal my stash?

France: It's good for when you're horny!

Children: Tell us the last story, Uncle Francy-pants!~

France: This is the story of "How Canada Became Noticed"

Children: YAY!

BBI: YAY!~

France: One day, Canada snapped.

BBI: The End~

France: No, Let me finnish woman!

France: Canada snapped and went to the World Fuckin- Meeting (THREE TYMES BIATCHS THREE!~) he had a shotgun and shot everyone, then had pancakes!

BBI: Since everyone was dead, the author (me) brought them back to life, that's why they're so sparkly now!

France: Well, no, we're sparkly now because we all had GERMAN SPARKLE PARTY SEX in hell that day.

BBI: Just do the outtro!

France: I just came and fucked you all, and I will do it again forever!

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

A/N I love my reviews! They make me feel all sparkly inside!

Francy-pants: I hate my life.

BBI: Cheer up! You'll be in my new story soon!

Francy-pants: Well then for fuck sakes! Finnish the fucking chapter woman!

BBI: Soon...maybe...later...ish

Francy-pants: Fuck you.

CIAO BIATCH"S~ BlackBloodInsane~


	15. DAMMIT ITALY!

CHAPTER 15 DAMMIT ITALY!

A/N For my Finland, Hetalian Miss. Because You are the best! My insane Wife!~

France: Y-you're getting married?

BBI: In fan fiction terms, sort of. It's like when you marry on FB

France: Even so, I thought I would be married first!

BBI: So sad~

France: I hate my life!

BBI: I hate your life too.

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

It was America and Iggy's wedding, but they all went to the reception, leaving Italy, Germany, France, and BBI to clean up.

Germany: Hey Italy?

Italy: Yes Germany?

Germany: I've got something to say.

Italy: Uh-huh

Germany: I really loved the skillful way you beat the other countries to the bride's bouquet.

Italy: Oh Doitsu~

Germany: The river was deep but I swam it.

France & BBI: Italy

Germany: The future is ours so lets plan it.

France & BBI: Italy

Germany: So please don't tell me to can it

France & BBI: Italy

Germany: I've got one thing to say and that's Dammit, Italy, I LOVE YOU~

Germany: The road was long but I ran it

France & BBI: Italy

Germany: There's a fire in my heart and you fan it

France & BBI: Italy

Germany: If there's one fool for you than I am it

France & BBI: Italy

Germany: I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Italy, I LOVE YOU~

Germany: Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker

Germany: There's three way that love can grow

Germany: That's good, bad, or mediocre

Germany: Oh I-T-A-L-Y I love you so!

Italy: * sees ring * Oh It's nicer than Betty Monroe had!

France & BBI: Oh Germany

Italy: Now we're engaged and I'm so glad

France & BBI: Oh Germany

Italy: That you met Grandpa and you know Fratello

France & BBI: Oh Germany

Italy: One thing to say and that's, Germany, I'm mad, for you too

Italy: Oh Doitsu

Germany: Oh.. Dammit

Italy: I'm mad

Germany: Oh Italy

Italy: For you

Germany: I love you too

Italy & Germany: There's one thing left to do

Germany: And that's go see the man who began it

France & BBI: Italy

Germany: When we met in his science exam-it

France & BBI: Italy

Germany: Made me give you the eye and then panic

France & BBI: Italy

Germany: Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Italy I LOVE YOU~

Germany: Dammit, Italy

Italy: Oh Germany, I'm mad

Germany: Dammit Italy-

ITALY & GERMANY: I LOVE YOU!~

BBI: Shut the fuck up! * Throws cake at them.*

France: What now?

BBI: Well, I have eighteen reviews now!

France: Good, we should do a little prize for the twentieth reviewer

BBI: GOOD IDEA!

France: Like let them have sex with me!

BBI: Nooooooo!~

_**Attention: **__**If you are the twentieth reviewer of my fan fiction "SEXY SLUTTY YAOI CRACK" Then please read:**_

_**I will do a one shot for any pairing in Hetalia. Any rating and any other theme next to "Romance" Please PM me for the details, or I'll PM you.~**_

_**THANK YOU~**_

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

A/N...

France: So you're really going to write a one shot?

BBI: YUP!

France: Alright...

BBI: ...Well?

France: What?

BBI: Do your thing!~

France: HOLY SHIT I:M COMING AND I"M FUCKING YOU ALL!~


	16. LOLwait wut?

CHAPTER 16 LoL... wait wut?

A/N: Isa the Awesome! Because your story is Awesome!

Prussia: Am I awesome?

BBI: Nein.

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

It all started back a LOOOONG tymes ago...

France: Will you marry me, BBI?

BBI: Uh...maybe...Can I cheat on you and have sex with many men and or women because you will probably do the same to me.

France: Sure.

BBI:...Kay.

TWENTY YEARS LATER!~

France didn't know why the hell BBI wanted him to go to the Jerry Springer show. What was going on?

Jerry: So, tell us BBI, you said you're hiding something from your husband. What is it?

BBI: Oh, wait until he comes in here and you'll see.

France: * Walks on stage *

Audience: WHOA! JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!~ OMFG I HEART U JERRY!~

France: What's going on?

BBI: There's something I need to tell you, I'm pregnant.

France: SOMEONE GET GERMANY A WINDOW! FIRST ITALY AND THEN BBI? REALLY?!

BBI: It's not his...or yours. It's my lover's...

France: Who's your lover?

Jerry: Why don't we bring him out?

Sweden: * Walks on stage *

Audience: OH BOY! HOT STUFF!~ JERRY! JERRY!~

France: HIM?! WHY HIM?!

BBI: Because we love each other, right Sweden?

Sweden: Well...actually, I came here to tell YOU something.

BBI: What?

Sweden: I've been cheating on you, with Finland.

France: HA HA!~

BBI: WHAT?! I'm carrying your babeh!

Sweden: I want the child so Tino and I can raise it. You're a HORRIBLE parent.

BBI: True.

Jerry: Oh, but Finland's here too, with something for you, Sweden.

Finland: * walks on stage *

Audience: AWW!~ JERRY!~

Finland: Sweden...I can't raise a child with you. I'm having an affair with Norway.

Norway: * Walks on stage* Yup.

Sweden: What about Denmark?

Denmark: * walks on stage with Iceland * Yup, we're doing it!

Hong Kong: * Walks on stage * BUT ICELAND! I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME?

Iceland: ...Aren't you fucking France?

BBI: FRANCE IS GAY?!

France: GGGGGGUUUUUUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLTTTTTTTT TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

A/N: Ah, I love the smell of random~

France: This is for you Hetalian Miss, because I love pissing you off:

**I'M CLIMBING YOUR WINDOW, SNATCHING YOUR A$$ UP, TRYING TO RAPE YOU SO HIDE YO SEALAND HIDE YO FINLAND HIDE YO SEALAND HIDE YO FINLAND AND HIDE YO SWEDEN ( or in your case, BBI) CAUSE I'M RAPEING EVERYONE OUT HERE!~**

**AND I WILL COME AND FUCK EVERYONE, EVEN YOU CAN'T RESIST MY FUCKING ABLITY!~**

BBI: You're going to get me divorced .

CIAO BITCHES ~ BlackBloodInsane!


	17. THIS IS WHY WE DON'T HUMP COACHS!

CHAPTER 17 WHY PEOPLE DON'T HUMP COACHES

A/N Welcome, tonight we'll have a AWESOME guest here for this chapter!~

Prussia: It's me, isn't it?!

BBI: Dude...you're not awesome...at all.

Prussia: Damn you!

France: Whoa! I thought I was your co-host!

BBI: You are, just not in this chapter.

France: Then who is for this chapter?

BBI: My wife!~

France: You're kidding..

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

One day, BBI and her wife, Hetalian Miss, were spying on Sweden and Finland, ready for some "Fun" when all of a sudden- France grabs the two of them and throws them both somehow to Germany's house.

"Germany? What's wrong?" BBI asked .

"MY COACH! IT'S ALIVE!" He yelled

"Well, no, I think it's pregnant." Hetalian Miss announced.

"How?" Asked Iggy.

"Well, remember when America took BBI's drugs?"

"Yeah..."

"Remember how horny he was?"

"Yeah..."

"Remember how he humped the coach?"

"Yeah..."

"? Well? I DON'T GET IT!" America yelled.

"You knocked the coach up, dumbass!" Hetalian yelled.

"No way, next thing your going to tell me is that the bowl of pasta I fucked last night is pregnant too."

"Well, did you wear protection?"

"...No.."

"Did you wear protection with Lady cheese burgah?" BBI asked.

"HOLY MOTHER OF MC DONALDS!"

So they see the coach move again, probably in labor pains.

"Hey Hetalian?" BBI asks

"Yeah?"

"The coach is orange, does that mean it'll be ginger?!"

"I don't think it works like th-"

"WHAT IF IT DOESN"T HAVE A SOUL!?"

"BBI, it's half coach, it won't have a soul anyway, or even live long at that."

"Oh...poor baby T-T"

But soon enough they hear a soft cry, the sound of a coach baby. Germany is so happy that he flys out a window.

"I'M GOING TO DRIVE FOR A BIT!" America yells as he leaves the house.

He goes on the freeway, and a sign that says "Wrong Way" catches his attention.

"Wrong way? I DON'T CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEE EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!~"

LATER!~

"Oh and I forgot!" Hetalian Miss says as she hits France with a baseball bat "THAT'S FOR THROWING ME ALL THE WAY TO GERMANY, ASSHOLE!"

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

A/N NICE WORK HONEY!~

France: I'M BLEEDING BECAUSE OF HER!

Hetalian: You deserved it!

France: T-T

BBI: I'm so glad to have you as my wife! You can even beat up Francy pants!


	18. Dumbest Love Songs Ever! FUCK MY LIFE!

CHAPTER 18 A love Song, for every pairing

A/N: For Valentine's day, and also my birthday!~ Also, HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY HETALIAN MISS!~ from Su-san

France: So this chapter is about me?

BBI: Nope!

France: YESSH! Do I get laid, though?

BBI: NOPE!~

France: Damn

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

Pairing: SuFin

Uh, There is Sweden, he's kinda creepy~

But Finny loves him anyway~

But then Sweden cheated on him~

OH NO Oooh Nooo OHH!~

But Finny Forgave him anyway!

Yes Yes Yes Yeeessss!~

But one day, Finny got M-preg!

Hell Yes Hell Yeeeesss!~

And they gave birth to Christina Angulara~

Oh No! Hoe Noooo!~

But then they had a son, named him Pewdiepie!~

Oh thank the Lord, yeah, yeah, yeah yeeeaaahhh!

And They live happily ever after!~

Pairing: GerIta

So, one day after the world fuckin'~

Germany had something on his mind~

Then he ask Italy to come over here~

And He Said:

"HEY! DO YOU GIVE GOOD BLOWJOBS!?"

Because, Germany likes sex~

Italy replied:

"DAMN STRAIGHT, I GIVE THE BEST IN THE WOOORLD!~

And I'mma gonna end this here!~

Pairing: USUK

One day, out at the pub~

A, how do ya say it, FANCY man walked in~

And send shivers down mah spine!~

See, now I'mma just a cowboy, AH YEAH!~

Just trying to find a man to ride mah horse!~ Hoot yeah!~

And he may look small, but I can fix that!~

Because I just finnished drinking mah eighteen pack!~

I say, "Round up mah sexy Brit!"~ You know I said it!

I said "Round up mah sexy Brit!" ~ Damn Straight

Pairing: PruCan

I'm like, hey, you sexy thing~

You wanna get it on, so do I~

Nothing Behind us, just me behind you~

Nothing else to do, just me and you~

Get our sexy on, Ain't nothing wrong~

Pairing: Hetalian X BBI *shot *

Well, one day I found a girl who was so crazy~

I thought, Well, What the hay? I just wanna know you~

So, I liked her, she was awesome, but how do I Propose?

Well I Said "MARRY ME NEVER LOOK BACK!~"

That's right, ain't nothin' gonna change the fact that-

You are my Finland, my Italy, my Iggy and my Canadaaa!~

I'm your Sweden, your Germany, your 'Merica and you Prussiaaa!~

So, gurl, let me be you sweet, awesome, insane, Valentine!~

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

A/N: I may get divorced because of the last one...

France: AH, Who care? She almost killed me!

BBI: Uno, I CARE and second, good you should get killed cause you can be a jerk!

France: Are you even working on "Escape the Dream"?

BBI: Eh, I'll do it later!~

France: Lazy...just Lazy.

Ciao My awesome Biatchs!~ BlackBloodInsane


	19. OUR SEASON FINALE PART UNO BIATCHS!

CHAPTER 19 THE SEASON FINALE PART 1 BITACHS!

A/N: That's right, it's our season one finale! Then in a few weeks I'll update again with season TWO!

France: Whoa whoa We have SEASONS?! WE DON'T EVEN HAVE EPISODES!

BBI: Too bad, I say we have seasons!

France: I hate you all.

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

_Prussia and BBI are illuminated by a stage light_

BBI: Hello and welcome to part one of our season finale!~ We have a good show for you all tonight. We show you the story of when France got arrested!

Prussia: Ja, and our cast vill also do a beautiful song performance later on.

BBI: Let's start the story!

Prussia: Alright so, one day me, Spain and France all go to the police station and ….

France: I would like to confess to the crimes...

Prussia: WHAT?

France:...OF THE FASHION POLICE!

Spain: France, this is serious!

Officer: Yeah, you could get twelve years.

France: Twelve years? Oh god! But I was kidding!

Officer: This is NO laughing matter. I mean, LOOK at your coat, it's hideous.

Prussia: France, how could you do this? IS THAT A FLY AWAY HAIR!?

France: I...I was so careful...how?

Officer: We have to arrest you in our cells.

Prussia: Now that I think about it...that's my coat...

Officer: Then arrest them both!

Spain: Don''t worry! I'll get help!

Officer: ARREST HIM! HE HAS DRUGS I SAW IT!

Spain: WHA?!

later...

Officer 1: How are they doing?

Officer 2: Well... the Prussia looks a little...

Prussia: RING RING BANANA PHONE RING RING BANANA PHOOOOONNE!

Officer 1: Oh GOD.

Officer 2: I know and the French Guy...

France: So hey France, guess what? What? I have a little riddle here. Really what is it? What does 'Yagami' spell backwards? I dunno what? IT SPELLS 'IMAGAY' LAWLS IMAGAY IMAGAY! IMAGAY!

Officers: O.o

Officer 1: What about the drug lord?

Spain: **Snores**

Officers: Lame...

Later...

Prussia: Oh, I'm sexy and I know it!

Officer 1: Hey! Your singing license has been removed!

Prussia: WHAT? First you lock me in a cell! Then you take away my singing privileges?! YOU MONSTERS!

Prussia: So you think you can kill me and spit in my eye~

France: So you think you can love me and leave me to die~

Spain: Ooh baby, give this to me baby~

Prussia: Just gotta get out, just gotta get right out of here

Officer 2: NOTHING REALLY MATTERS TO MEEEEEEEE!~

Officer 1: **Bitch slaps Officer 2** YOU CANNOT SING EITHER!

BBI: I think I have a plan to get the BTT out of jail!

FIND OUT IN PART 2!

Now...

America: HI I'm America, has this ever happened to you?

Iggy: AHHH FRANCE GET AWAY **is raped by France**

America: Then let me show you our newest product "Rapest-B-Gone"

Iggy: **Uses Rapest-B-Gone** Haha! Take that France!

France: IT BURNS MAH EYES!

America: See, now you don't have to hide yo Finlands, Hide yo Sealands, Or hide yo Swedens!

Iggy: THANKS RAPEST-B-GONE!

France: OW MAH EYES!

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

A/N: Yea, wait for part 2...

CIAO KAWWII BIATCHS!


	20. Season Finale See Ya Next Season Biatchs

CHAPTER 20 SEASON FINALE FINAL PART!~ See ya next season biatchs!

A/N Don't think this is over yet! I just need a break so I can finish Escape the Dream or get closer to finishing it.

France: Let's just finish this crap for this season.

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

Later... in the car...

Prussia: So how did you get the officers to free us, BBI?

BBI: Well, I didn't exactly agree to help you...

Spain: What do you mean?

BBI: Well, at first I was going to help you, but then they offered a reward...

France: What kind of reward?

BBI: A second season.

Prussia: Then what are you going to do to us?

BBI: **parks car **Well, they want you all to...get jiggly with it...

Spain: Wha?

Prussia: Whats Will Smith gotta do with this?

BBI: Y'know, bow chic bow wow.

France: ? Huh?

BBI: France didn't I teach you the Birds and Bees?

Spain: We learned that in school!

BBI: **pulls out gun** DO YOU THINK I'M GOING TO ENJOY THIS?!

BadTouchTrio: YES WE DO!

BBI: FINE! **puts gun to Frances head** I'll just end this!

France: You can't run the show without me!

BBI: NO SECOND SEASON FOR YOU!

Spain: WHAT ABOUT ME!?

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! bangbangbangbangbangbang...

Later...

BBI: Now, how about we look back at some highlight's for our show? What we have none? Fine screw this...

Hetalian Miss: When is next season?

BBI: Good Question! I have no idea.

Hetalian: Then when will we know when to look for it?

BBI: Okay, sometime in April, probably.

Hetalian: That's too long!

BBI: It's a month away!

Hetalian: But that's too long still!

BBI: Well I need a break from writing this, and work on my other projects.

Children: Awww, we didn't even see sex T-T

BBI: Le sigh. Goodbye for a while, maybe...But here's a thanks to all the cast:

Cast:

God as France

Drug Lord as Spain

Fat unawesome guy as Prussia

Lil Ass Kicker as Canada (who)

Glen from TWD as Italy

Daryl Dixon as Germany

That one Asian guy as China

Michel Bay as Russia

Will Smith as America

T-Dogg as Iggy

Godzilla as Japan

Cat as Greece

Cat as Greece's cats

BBI as Sweden

Hetalian Miss as Finland

Random Child as Sealand

MERRY FANFIC TO ALL, AND ALL A COUNTRY A GOOD FUCK!~ ;)

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

A/N A big thank you to all my Fans and my reviewers. I remember when I first did this and I had only two. But don't worry, next chapter up in one month!~

Ps, HEY HETALIAN, I DIDN'T LEAVE YOU OUT!~ Love ya~

Ciao for now, SUPER AWESOME KAWWII BIATCH"S BLACKBLOODINSANE (ps ps We love you, Daryl Dixon and Glen~)


	21. Meh

For those of you who can't see the book cover...

A/N No, sadly this is not Season 2, But if you're wondering about the picture for my story, go here to see the whole thing art/Hetalia-Sexy-Slutty-Yaoi-Crack-Season-2-Get-Mad-356956602

...That's all, go home...sorry...uhhh...FRANCE DO SOMETHING!

France: Uh...Hi! Umm... Oh, HEY LOOK EVERYONE! WALKERS YES OVER THERE! THEY GOT DARYL AND GLENN, GO SAVE THEM!

BBI: Good Idea, IMMA COMING TO SAVE YA DARYL (& Glenn too I guess...)

Ciao,~ BlackBloodInsane~


	22. WE'RE BACK hOOkers!

Aaaaaaaaaaaannd We're Back, hOOkers~

A/N: Wow, long time right? And I feel really depressed. So if you don't like this chapter, I get it.

Francis: Wow...this is the first serious Authors Note...

BBI: APRIL MOTHER FUCKIN' FOOLS BITCH!~

Francis: I should have known...

BBI: WELCOME BACK YOU LAZY ASS BUNCH A' BITCHES!~ ENJOY!

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

So, like, last time...

BBI: NO SECOND SEASO FOR YOU! *shoots Prussia *

And so it, like, totally, like, continues~

Germany: So how did you survive?

Prussia: Well, ya see, there was a spider in the car so BBI shot it.

Hetalian: So where is she?

Spain: Well, that's another problem. We don't know where she is.

Germany: Come to think about it, where is Italy, France, Russia, America and England?

Like, Laterz

BBI: YO HO's IMMA BACK!~

Prussia: Where have you guys been?

Francy-pants: We went to look for Italy.

BBI: In Guatemala.

Francy-pants: But it turns out he wasn't there.

BBI: In Guatemala

Francy-pants: And since we were on a break,

BBI: In Guatemala

Francy-pants: We spent the month there.

BBI: In-

Spain: WE GET IT!

BBI: FINE!

Francy-pants: In bed.

Germany: OH FOR GOD SAKES STOP THAT!

Francy-pants: In bed.

Later..w/ Prussia Francy-pants & Spain

Prussia: I love Chinese take-out.

Francy-pants: In bed...

Prussia: Ass hole

Francy-pants: In bed

Spain: Lets look at our fortunes!

Francy-pants: In bed.

Prussia: "You will find pleasures from Canadian places"

Francy-pants: In bed-WAIT HEY! THATS MY SON!

Spain: You will be successful in your incounters.

Francy-pants: In bed

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

A/N: YEAH okay I think i'll just end it here for now...

Francy-pants: Hi.

… What? You were expecting for me to say IM COMING TO FUCK YOU ALL? Is that what your waiting for? IMMA COMING TO FUCK YOU ALL? Aren't you sick of it yet? I am...nah Im not, IMMA COMING TO FUCK YA ALL!

BBI: Happy B-day Hetalian Miss!~


	23. WHAT I FUCKING DO TO GET REVIEWS

THE THINGS I DO TO GET REVIEWS, I HATE YOU FUCKERS!

A/N: For Kara-hime24 who wanted moar GerIta...

Francy-pants: Wasn't that the main pairing at first?

BBI:...Oh yea...I guess I forgot.

Francy-pants: WRITE, WOMAN, WRITE!

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

So, before we say funny stuff...here...

_Italy was shoved onto the bed, bouncing a little as he whimpered and looked up at Germany. The blonde was smirking at him. Italy was starting to worry and tried to climb off the bed, only to have Germany roughly grab him and press his face down into the mattress. A louder whimper came from the honey-eyed man._

_Italy soon saw his lover grab something silver looking, handcuffs, and heard a 'click' as he was chained to the bed. He moved his legs to break free, but soon found his left leg was tied with rope already, and the right one about to be. The Italian squirmed and moved to get away from the German, but failed, the chains were too tight._

"_Please, stop." Italy asked, his honey-eyes meeting the German's cold blue ones. Germany laughed and grabbed the Italian's hips, making the younger wiggle more. He held them tighter, then moved lower,_

AND I AM GOING TO STOP HERE!~ .

So for the rest of the episode, lets listen to America's thoughts...

_Damn, Iggy looks FINE in those jeans...guess who's getting the "Big Mac" tonight...Man now I sound like Francy-pants. Wait, how can I ever marry Iggy if it's not legal to in my home...? I know What we'll name our kids, Ronald, Fonzi, Devi and Susan...And they shall kick some major ass! I'm a lumber jack and I'm okay...kissy kissy makes me happy honey honey sweet as candy. I WANT MAH CHEEZE BURGAH!_

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

YAY! 4 gay sex & 'Merica

Francy-pants: * Points at dick* You see this? DO YOU SEE IT? LOOK AT IT! BECAUSE IT"S GOING TO COME & FUCK EVERY LAST LITTLE ONE OF YOU WHORES IN THE ANUS!


	24. BITACH DON'T TOUCH PRUSSIA'S REMOTE!

IF YOU TOUCH PRUSSIA'S REMOTE, HELLS WAITING~

A/N: ~~~

Francy-pants: Y U STOP YAOI LAST TIME?:(

BBI: CUZ I HAZ NO CREATIVATE

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

Once, there was a War between Hetalia & Junjo Romantica~

Prussia: We have to get them off of TV!

Francy-pants: But the network won't take them off?

America: What if we threaten them?

Spain: The network? How?

Iggy: One of us can sneak into the building and hold a gun to their head until they take JR off of TV.

Francy-pants:...That's...really specific...

America: But Genious!

Prussia: Alright, I'll do it!

Spain: But, you have Canada. And what about your brother?

Prussia: Birdie will be fine...And ever since mein bruder uploaded that girly music video on YT I don't have a bruder...

have...a sister...a buff, cock eating gay sister, but a sister no less.

Later...

Prussia: Oh look a piece a candeh!

Later

Prussia: I didn't know it was Viagra, okay!

Germany: Well, either way, why are you in the hospital?

Prussia: Ever since I eat it, I've had a stiff neck.

Germany: I stiff neck isn't bad if your in the hospital.

Prussia: It wasn't suppose to go in my mouth...

Later

Prussia: * Wakes up* Huh? Oh hi Canada!

Canada: Hi.

Prussia: Wait a minute...why the hell do you have the remote?

Canada:...

Prussia: AND WHO IN THE SEVEN CIRCLES OF HELL, TOLD YOU TO TURN OFF MY FUCKING TV!?

Canada: I want a divorce...

Prussia: A DIVORCE?! Oh once my back hand is strong!

Canada: That's why...time to die...I'l get the hatchet..

Later

Spain: I'm glad we sent Francy-pants to threaten them

BBI: But why did you send him to go through the front door? He can't get in..

Elsewhere:

Francy-pants: *Bangs on door* OPEN! * gets run over by car*

Prussia: * leaves car* If you gotta do something, you gotta run over your best friend to do it.

Later

Prussia: Alright,* holds** gun to guys head* **TAKE JR OFF THE NETWORK!

Guy: FINE! But you will regret the awesome yaoiness...

Prussia: ME AND BIRDIE CAN CREATE YAOI NESS ANYDAY! RIGHT BIRDIE?

Canada:DIE!

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

A/N: WTF WAS THAT!?


	25. MORE CRAZIER BITCHES THAN ME!

Their are Crazier BITACHES Out their then Me, Believe it!

A/N: For Francy-pants, who died when Prussia ran him over with his car. You were a dick, but you were OUR dick...T-T~

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

(P.s, this is true, no shit.)

One day, BBI was working on Hetalian Miss & her story.

BBI: WHY CAN'T I THINK OF ANYTHING?!

...But she had writer's block...

BBI: Huh, maybe I should write a SUFIN story for her?

And o she did.

BBI: I FINALLY POSTED THE STORY!

But/...

BBI: Oh, someone reviewed it already? Maybe it was Hetalian?

Oh, but it wasn't...

Review:

Barrel of Laughs 3/11/13 . chapter 1

How to give good head

1) Tongue

Use your tongue to loll up and down the shaft and around the tip. It will immediately insight interest. Don't hold back, cover the shaft with your tongue completely. Do not put it in your mouth yet!

2) Tip

Engage the tip of the penis by gently suckling on it, and once again, using the tongue to rummage around it, creating immense pleasure.

3) Down the shaft.

Move gently down the shaft. I implore you to do this very slowly, and send him into shivers of pleasure. Once again, continue using your tongue to envelop his cock and create a small amount, not too much, of pressure by suckling on it.

4) Suck

Begin moving up and down. Again, slowly. Twist your head in different ways around his penis and still, continue using the tongue as an added bonus. One technique that is useful is to rub the tip of his penis against the roof of your mouth. The tip is very sensitive, so it can almost put him in pleasure shock if you aren't careful. Or make him ejaculate.

5) Deep Throat

Take the penis all the way to the back of the throat. Relax your throat muscles and take as much as you can. If you can force it all down immediately stop, and do as much as possible. Increase speed and continue using the tongue and move your head quickly around his cock.

6) Spit or Swallow?

It is a sign of appreciation for your partner if you swallow the ***. Also, you may enjoy the taste, albeit, it can take some getting used to. If not, you can dispose of it in a tissue. Also, if you are VERY naughty, you can let him ejaculate on your face. This will be a surefire way of pleasing him.

Practice makes perfect. You don't have to be a world champion deep throat or anything. Just do your best and make sure he returns the favor. :) *wink*

BBI: O.o...so I'm not the only crazy one...but that's good to know...

Francy-pants's Ghost: Hohohoho~ I will haunt you from the grave!~ You horny Bitch!~

*...*~ *...*~ *...*~

A/N: Yes, this really happened, check out the review for "Moonlight" on my page.

Prussia: I MISS FRANCY-PANTS!

Canada: I MISS PAPA!

Russia: I MISS VODKAAAAAAAAAAAA!~

BBI:...I...I guess Francy-pants won't be coming & fucking you all tonight...oh well...Ciao...

Ciao- BlackBloodInsane~


	26. FUCK WHO IZ U!

WHO DA FUCK IS U WHO?!

A/N: Hopefully this makes up for the past three months!

Prussia: It won't.

BBI: T.T

. .xX.

Francy-pants: *looks in mirror* Oh mah gah Ima lookin so fuckin fine!~ meh and Merica are gunna look for sum poof daddys to fuck with~

Laterz

Phone: ring...ring …..PICK UP DA PHONEBIATCH!

America: Who da fuck iz callin meh!? I'm tryin ta watch Maury!

Phone: RINGRINGRING COME ON YOU DON'T PAY SIXTY A MONTH TO IGNORE THE PHONE!

America: Oh MAH GAEH HE'S NOT DA FATHER!

Phone: RING! I'll kill everybody you love if you don't answer THIS GODDAMN PHONE!

America: *picks up phone* Who Da fuk iz dis!?

Francy-pants: WHO DA FUK IZ U!

America: WHO DA FUK IZ U!

Francy-pants: FUK U IZ WHO DO!

America: WHO FUK YOU IZ WHO!

Francy-pants: FUK U WHO U!

America: Seriusly, who da fuck iz dis?

Francy-pants: oh gurl it's ur friend Francy!~ I wuz wonderin if you want to meet up at the park and meet up with some honeies with the green stacks and all dat u feel meh?

America: AW HELL YEAH, lego!

Later~

Francy-pants: Gurl all there iz iz some trees and some bushes and sum nuts!

America: And that iz not the type of nuts I like!

Francy-pants Oh mah gaeh!

America: Hey, who dat?

Francy-pants: HEY GURL WHAT YO NAME?!

Russia: Oh, it's Beonshaquifalashawndra.

America: Beonshaquifalashawndra?

Russia: Yeah it's Beonshaquifalashawndra.

Francy-pants and America: BEON BEON BEON BEON BEEEOOOOOOONN!

Russia: * Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre*

England: Well Well Well, if it ain't Pervy and Fatass and who da fuck iz this?!

Russia: I'm Beonshaquifalashawndra.

England: MORE LYKE BEONSHAQUIFALADRYARA WIT UR PALE SKIN AND WHAT WRONG WITH U YOU UNICORN LOOKING MOTHERFUCKIER!?

Russia:oooooooooooooooooH Lets get this crazy bitch.

Francy-pants: Gurls drop me a beat!

_You always coming to me, talkin' shit_

_How do you talk with an ass fulla dick._

_I wanna hit you with a rock,_

_How do you walk with an ass fulla cock_

_Well Iggy I wanna say it was nice_

_But I got two friends, how many you got NONE!_

America OOOOOOOOOOH!

Russia: U GOT HER GOOD!

America: Alright gurls, lets go look for sum pof daddies!

.XXX...XX

A/n Where was I? I DON"T EVEN KNOW, BUT I"M BACK BIATCHES!


End file.
